The Words of a She-Wolf
by iWandering-Shapeshifter
Summary: surviving high school was all but child's play. with the dream of one day becoming an esteemed novelist, one tomboy spitfire will tackle Roshigumi University; old and new alliances will be made as she tries her damnedest to reach her dream! (rated for language and adult content in later chapters [SEMI-HIATUS])
1. Nobody

disclaimer! i don't own Hakuouki; Kawa and this story belong to me (: enjoy!

* * *

_**Nobody**_

* * *

Why did she have to meet him here of all places…? Just because he was late from work? Eesh.

Exhaling, the girl took a last sip from her virgin drink, gesturing the bartender refill her glass. She glanced boredly from one side of the boisterous room to the other, drowning out the beat of the obnoxious song playing on the overhead speakers. Even with how she looked, she never liked going out unless asked; this type of music was just so annoying, and it was almost repulsing (if not annoying) to watch the other patrons of the club dance as if without shame.

"You come here often, honey?" A male voice said to her right as she took a sip of her drink, earning a mild glance from her. The guy looked to be in his mid-twenties, hair slicked back with a killer smile that would make lesser girls with weaker knees melt like putty.

She was unfazed… and repulsed.

Sipping her drink again, she closed her gray eyes. "The night life isn't kind to girls like me." She answered, adding in a stiff tone, "Piss off."

The man chuckled, propping his elbows on the countertop as he discreetly nudged her knee with his own, not seeing her left brow twitch. "Don't be so cold, not with those looks…" He hummed.

"_Oi_." A rough hand gripped the man's right shoulder from behind, and as he jerked his head to glare at the interruption, he met the cold violet stare of a man that wore a stony expression on his handsome face. "Sorry for being late." He said, his words for the girl.

She shrugged, offering a cheeky smirk. "Not at all; sorry, love, but this spot's taken." She wagged her fingers in the same cheeky manner to the guy who shrugged off the older man's grip and stalked away to migrate back to the gyrating throng of dancers.

They both gave a sigh.

Throwing a scowl at where the man had skulked off to, he plonked down on the stool next to hers, gesturing for what she was having to the bartender; he scritched the back of his head habitually. "I'm a little surprised you didn't brush off that sleaze before I came." He mused.

"_'Brush off'_ is the nicest thing I woulda done. His cologne was nauseating." Wrinkling her nose at the scent, she sipped her drink again.

"_Him_ or his cologne?" He scoffed.

She chuckled softly, nudging him. "Play nice for once, _Aniki_." She teased.

"To guys that make a pass at my dearest little sister? _Right_." He rolled his eyes, gauging her drink again. "And what the hell're you drinking? Y'know you're not old enough." He reminded with a returning nudge.

Puffing her cheeks out a smidge, she huffed. "Virgin Cuba-Libre. Eesh, not even ten minutes into rendezvousing and you make that scary face… S' no wonder you don't get many fangirls." She replied, sipping her drink.

Distinctly feeling his ears burn, the twenty-seven year old sipped his drink heartily. "You don't go to University, therefore you can't make that assumption." He countered.

"Hmm, is that so?" The twenty-year old tilted her head slightly, watching his cheeks heat up; she snickered and crossed her arms smugly at her chest. "Well that'll change _tomorrow_." She mused.

He clicked his tongue in reluctant defeat, scowling pointedly at her, brow twitching when noting her serene smile. "You coulda gone to Kyoto University, or even gone overseas… Why?" He almost groaned, violet eyes exasperated.

"Y'know Nobu would _maim_ me if I went overseas, and besides, I didn't choose Kyoto. I chose Roshigumi because it's close to home and that way you wouldn't worry so much." She explained, noting he nodded at the mention of his sister; her pretty face softened slightly as she punched his shoulder in an affectionate gesture. "You're still a worry-wart, y'know, no matter how old ya get." She reminded.

He made a sideways expression at her comment and punch to his shoulder, noting her softened gray stare momentarily; he exhaled and poked her forehead. "And you're _still_ a brat sister, no matter how old you get. Nobu **would** maim you and then **me** for letting you go overseas, anyway." He remarked.

They both gave a collective shudder at the idea.

"Which class do you have first tomorrow?" He asked, gesturing for another drink for her.

She sipped her drink and pondered, "Japanese History, and then Constructive Writing afterward…" She listed.

His ears perked at mention of the first class, violet eyes warming a smidge as he smiled. "Try not to step on the professor's toes in history; he's a good friend of mine." He requested, earning a curious look.

"If he's a friend of _yours_, then I'm doomed." She joked, placing her left forearm over her eyes dramatically.

He rolled his eyes and pinched her cheek in scolding. "He's not as bad as you'd think… It's the _dean_ you'd have to worry about." He corrected, brow furrowing slightly at the mention of said man.

"Is he a scary ogre fresh from the pits of hell?" She asked in half-joking, half-earnest.

He snorted bemusedly, sipping his drink. "You could say that."

The younger Hijikata blinked in slight confusion, looking down at her drink and sipping again. "Right…"

"Otherwise, you'll probably do fine, Yasakawa." The older Hijikata mused, instinctively patting her shoulder.

Holding his hand to her shoulder for a moment, she nodded and smiled slightly. "Thanks, Toshi. Oh yeah, you're getting the tab." She added as she let his hand go.

"Wait, why me? You've _got_ a job; don't stick the damn bill on me!"

"You're a gentleman _aren't_ you? Pay up!"

"… You're so _annoying_, you know that?"

"Your horns are showing, _Oni_…" 

* * *

just a spur-of-the-moment epiphany i had to get written down. irony that shit like this happens when i'm trying to get to sleep.. ah well~. anywho, i mentioned some of the summary for this story in my bio pg if you wanna look there.. elsewise, feel free to comment/ review, people. i won't bite! ;P

***Nobody** \- **girugamesh**


	2. Volume

_**Volume**_

* * *

It was a miracle she had gotten to her first class in record time; she'd always had that issue when she was younger, but either fate seemed to wish to give her a break for once or she had outgrown her old tardiness streak.

Brushing strands of black hair out of her sight only to have them resume their place over her right eye, Kawa took a seat at the back of the middle row of desks. For what Roshigumi University was spoken of so highly amongst her peers in her last year of high school, she was surprised to see a classroom for Japanese History look so… simple.

Kawa briefly wondered on the sanity level of her brother's friend.

"Well crap, you're taking this class too?" Blinking once, she looked to the right as a familiar head of messy short brown hair took a seat in the adjoining desk.

The nineteen-year-old's bright teal eyes met her surprised gray. "Been a while, ne, Kawa-chan?" He chuckled.

"H-Heisuke? I didn't know you came here too…" She laughed slightly in spite of her surprise, grinning at the boy; he'd always been a spitfire dork in her eyes, all throughout middle school and then high school.

"Like you're one to talk; you always kept your nose in the books, I woulda figured you'd gone to Kyoto!" Todou Heisuke laughed with her, rubbing his nose gingerly.

Somehow feeling like the anxiety that had been weighing on her shoulders had lightened when recognizing she wasn't going to suffer this class alone, Kawa afforded a giggle. "I didn't really wanna move out of Tokyo, and _Aniki_ would've only been a bigger worry-wart if I left home…" She admitted.

Shaking his head slightly, Heisuke sported a thoughtful look."Sure sounds like Hijikata-san… Hajime-kun's here too, somewhere around the campus…" He mused, perking her ears.

"Saitou-kun's here? God, don't tell me Sano and Shinpatsu are here too…" She groaned, truly surprised that most of the old gang had magically enrolled in Roshigumi U.

She had to be dreaming…

"I know Sano said he'd be teaching some writing course, not sure about Shinpatsu." He mused, perking up as the door to the classroom opened just as they both recognized the room was full.

Kawa straightened her posture and took note of their professor, blinking once and then again; this man was her brother's friend? _How…?_

"Welcome to Japanese History I, everyone! I am your professor, Kondou Isami; it's nice to see a new batch of eager faces!" Their professor, a man that only looked to be thirty, with spiked dark brown hair and sincere light-brown eyes, smiled in a friendly way at his class of forty-two.

Wait, _now_ she recognized him… He was friends with Toshi back in _their_ college days; he'd spoken of him at least once or twice, if she recalled correctly… Her gray eyes warmed slightly. That explained things.

Aniki _was right, for once_.

"Which class do you have next, Heisuke?" Kawa asked as they followed the throng of their classmates out of the room when class was dismissed, coming to his side.

"Sociology and you?" Heisuke answered, raising both brows.

"Constructive Writing." She answered lightly, looking forward to that class; her dream was to be a novelist when she finished school, so what better way than to take courses mainly focused on her aspirations?

"Oh right, I almost forgot you mentioned once or twice that you wanted to be a novelist someday…" He mused, pondering slightly on his otherwise-foggy memories towards her mention.

She rolled her eyes and elbowed her friend. "Don't tell me dumb and dumber knocked a few brain cells outta you over the summer…" She wondered.

"N-no, what's that for, Kawa-chan?" Heisuke pouted childishly at her, earning a giggle.

"Hijikata-san, I hope I'm not rude in saying you look a lot like your brother." Their professor declared from the side, making both students blink.

Heisuke fidgeted momentarily and smiled cheerily at the man, "Great introduction, Kondou-sensei!" He declared.

"Ah thank you, Todou-kun." He smiled back.

Kawa chuckled, "You're not rude at all, Kondou-san; _Aniki_ mentioned you would be teaching this class so he made me promise to be on my best behavior." She assured lightly.

"That sure sounds like Toshi, looking out for his little sister's welfare. Well you two had better get going if you don't want to be late." Kondou chuckled with her, seeming to recall he wasn't talking with her brother and that he was holding up their time and his next class.

"Right, well, see you later, Kondou-san!" Kawa smiled lightly and shuffled out of the room with Heisuke shortly following, moving aside as another batch of students filed into their Japanese History classroom.

Both friends said their goodbyes as the younger hurried off to his Sociology course and the older moved on to her Constructive Writing course.

:::l:::l:::

Kawa sighed just as she made it into her writing class, blinking once at noticing the strangely-large amount of girls that had also chosen to take the course; her lips slightly pursed at the oddity, briefly wondering if their professor was good-looking.

She had a sinking feeling this was how Toshi's Sociology classes looked; the poor man just _had_ to be handsome and uberly-appealing to the opposite sex… It was something she felt pity towards.

A few girls near her seat that had also just arrived suddenly dropped the volume of their yammering, three or four sets of eyes zipping to the front of the room and then back at each other.

Kawa felt lost for a moment, shaking her head as she pulled a spare comp notebook out and her pen, flexing her knuckles on habit.

"Alright, class, take your seats if you will!" A familiar voice instructed at the front of the room, and she blinked a second time before looking in that direction.

One part of her was surprised; the other part was happy… She just didn't know which was greater.

Their professor was –sure enough—a man that was only three years her senior with reddish brown hair framing his handsome face nicely with honey-warm gold eyes and a friendly smile on his lips.

"He's gorgeous." A girl at her back mused in a soft hiss to the girl at her right.

The girl on her right covered her mouth to refrain from giggling outright, hissing back, "Sign me up for remedial lessons with _that_."

Kawa's ears burned not with embarrassment but with annoyance towards their more-than-subtle comments, having half a right mind to tell them to shut their mouths, but gods knew she didn't dare do such a thing.

Not only would she be royally screwed for the rest of her freshman year, but she would also look like she was involved with their professor… As sweet and charming as he was, he wasn't really her type.

So she bit her tongue and kept her mouth clamped shut, only taking notes on this or that (things that most likely weren't mentioned in the syllabus) and hoping he didn't recognize her.

Kawa exhaled in relief when the class ended, shrugging her bag over her shoulder and following the migrating throng of students that exited, most if not all of the female populace giving praise to the redhead professor.

For all she knew, they were hoping he would show extra 'attention' on them; it was almost like watching acolytes pleading for love from their god… It was downright repulsive…

"I _thought_ I recognized that name," she winced; this was _not_ good.

Turning slightly to face the owner of the voice, Kawa looked up at her old friend's familiar gold eyes as he had managed to slip free of the throng of fangirls, standing before her much the same as he had looked a couple of years ago. "Oh, Sano… It's been a while!" She mustered a polite smile.

Harada Sanosuke chuckled and smiled his familiar warm smile he'd melted girls' hearts with in the past; she'd been witness to it enough times. "Long time no see, Kawa. Y'know even though you've got Hijikata-san's last name, you look like you've gotten more beautiful since I last saw you." He teased with the smile present.

Kawa distinctly felt daggers stabbing her from the onlookers behind him, the ones that had stuck around simply because they wished to get that sort of smile from 'Harada-sensei'. "You haven't changed much, ironic enough." She remarked, chuckling in spite of the possible enemies she had made.

_Weren't they past the childishness that went hand-in-hand with high school…?_

"I'm glad to see you're doing alright, Kawa. You look better." Sano smiled again, truly glad she had crossed paths with him.

"Sano…" Kawa mused quietly, smiling humbly even as his words –even though they didn't mean to but they did anyway—brought a small ounce of pain to the fore.

'_You've got your life to live, and I've obviously got mine_…'

"Harada-sensei! I have one quick question about the syllabus," a girl declared, jerking her out of her thoughts.

Kawa smiled slightly as he turned his gaze to the freshman girl, nodding. "See you around, Sano." She turned to leave the room and head down the hall, soon leaving behind her favored class. She released a shaky sigh once she felt she'd put enough distance between the classroom and herself, slipping into a nearby girls' bathroom and entering a stall, closing it behind her entrance.

Her back hit the cold metal of the back of the door as she closed her eyes briefly.

Why did those memories have to come back? She'd thought she was done with them, done with **him**. The last two years she had been hell-bent on forgetting it all, busting her ass to get through her stint job, just to chase away the memory of him from her mind.

Their paths shouldn't have crossed, they shouldn't have ever made that first mistake… It should've been _painless_.

Kawa clicked her tongue. "Why do his green eyes haunt me?" She wondered softly to the lonesome bathroom.

* * *

*shoutout to **unicornmeat3** for the first review and **Maro75** for the first fav/follow. thanks! (: also, i'll try to update at least twice within a week, as often as i can, just another quick note. anyway, thanks for reading and don't feel shy about reviewing! as i said, i won't bite~. ^^


	3. Worlds

**_Worlds_**

* * *

"**Toshizou**!"

He gave a flinch at the familiar yell, mentally bracing himself for the owner of the voice.

The sight of his older sister striding forward from the basement with a fist formed at her left side was a sure sign she was angered with something, something that involved him in some way, shape or form… He met her stern cobalt stare with slightly guarded violet eyes. "_Ane-san_; I didn't know you were back in town." He greeted her.

"That's probably because you put my emails in your stupid spam box… Would you care to explain _why_ Yasakawa is in the basement pounding the hell out of your old punching bag?" Sato Nobu demanded of her little brother, gesturing to the basement door at the end of the hall.

Toshi raised a brow, looking from the door to his sister with some confusion. "How would **I** know? Just because we share the same apartment doesn't mean I'm keeping tabs on her 24/7. She's twenty years old." He returned, mentally kicking himself for the email comment.

That explained a lot…

Nobu gauged the confusion causing the furrow in his brow and looked away with an exhale. "Well something's bothering her; otherwise she wouldn't be here…" Putting on a stern scowl, she looked at him again, "Whatever it is, you're closer to her age so _you're_ going to fix it." She stated.

"E-eh? You've gotta be kidding…" He trailed off when noting her stern look didn't falter or budge an inch, knowing she would coerce him into doing it without a moment's hesitation. Exhaling, he nodded slightly. "Always the forceful one…" He grumbled as he shuffled past her to go tend to the situation.

Nobu shook her head at cowing him, smiling wryly. "I'm afraid it runs in the family." She mused.

:::l:::l::: 

The loud pounding drums of '_Mouja no Koushin_' hummed in the basement's four walls from the stereo near the stairwell as she dealt another swift punch to the dingy sack of sand, drawing her fist back.

She had taken up martial arts when she was eleven and did a fair bit of kendo through most of middle school, and now that she was older, she resorted to venting out her frustrations and anger via throwing punches at Toshi's old punching bag with her favorite rock band playing on the basement's stereo.

The next song was cut short just as she drew her left fist back, surprising the young woman; she looked back to see the owner of the punching bag standing near the stereo with his arms folded at his chest.

Kawa's brow furrowed in slight confusion, "_Aniki_, what're you doing here?" She asked.

Toshi nodded slightly at the stairwell. "Nobu called because she said that you came over and '_stormed past her to start pounding the hell out of my punching bag_'… I'm surprised you knew she was in town this week." He explained, watching her deflate as he gave her his reason.

"I figured she wouldn't be happy about that…" Sighing, she looked at the bandages wrapped around her hands, protecting her knuckles that she imagined were bruised up decently by now. "Sorry. I got her email, though. Hiko-san was here earlier, but he stepped out to run some errands I suppose." She replied, catching the dirty towel she'd been using as he tossed it to her from the banister, wiping the sweat from her face gingerly.

"Next time, try to let me know when she emails… She nearly chewed me out, a few minutes ago. So what's bugging you?" He made a face that she chuckled slightly at, quirking a brow.

Lowering the towel, she looked to his punching bag as if it was suddenly interesting. "It's nothing." He hadn't been happy when she'd broken up with her ex; she imagined he didn't want her to get hurt again after the incident.

He wasn't her brother by blood, but he sure as hell acted like it.

Toshi snorted. "You only punch that thing when you're pissed, dummy. Don't tell me you had a bad first day…" He suspected.

"No, class was fine!" Kawa defended, scowling briefly at him before she brushed strands of black hair back. "Just a bitter memory, that's all. It's not something I wanna talk about." _Not with you_, she silently added, gray meeting violet.

His brow furrowed into his trademark scowl as he held her stare a moment longer before looking at the stereo with a huff. "C'mon, let's go home. _Ane-san_ will only worry more if you contemplate spending the night here." He proposed, nodding his chin to the left and then turning to ascend the stairwell.

Exhaling, she followed his lead, carrying her sweater and bag on her left arm.

"You're too good for him, y'know. Don't act dumb either… I know it still hurts." He said prior to opening the door, his back to her.

Her eyes widened a smidge; a sad smile crept onto her lips and she laughed slightly. "Typical _Aniki_."

* * *

"Begin!"

She watched the class of kung-fu students begin their routinely stretches, legs and arms swinging out, arms placed at her back, as she walked the four-sided perimeter. Ranging from the age of ten to seventeen, she had to admit she felt somewhat happy about her job.

Even though she only came part-time now because of school, she still got compensated to teach part-time at her old dojo.

Kawa was a first-degree black belt by the age of eighteen, so to say she was talented at hand-to-hand combat would be an understatement. She didn't like lording her status over her students, something the dojo owner found admirable.

Just because she was a girl didn't make her weak or frail, either.

"_Thank you for the lesson, Hijikata-sensei!_"

Kawa smiled brightly at her students, nodding, the slightly rigid tensing of her shoulders calming as the younger pack dispersed to get their things and leave.

"You look like you run a tight ship, Yasakawa." Blinking at hearing that calm voice, she looked to the doorway of the training room as her students filed out, gray eyes catching the owner of the voice.

A woman that looked to be in her late twenties stood against the threshold with her arms folded at her chest, a kind smile on her pretty face, with brown hair drawn into a ponytail and striking emerald green eyes; the younger woman would recognize those green eyes anywhere…

"Mitsu-chan!" She declared in surprise, smiling at seeing her old acquaintance. While she had broken it off with her ex, she did get along well with his older sister.

Okita Mitsu chuckled and moved further into the room to greet the girl. "It's been a while; haven't seen you in ages. You look like you've gotten taller since high school, Kawa-chan." She mused.

"I know, it's been a while. What brings you here? Not looking to learn martial arts, are you?" Kawa wondered, smirking lightly. Mitsu was as scary as Nobu when she got pissed, as she'd witnessed in the past, so she knew the woman wasn't looking to take lessons from someone seven years younger than her.

"I don't look like I can handle myself?" Mitsu remarked, chuckling as the younger woman chuckled with her. "I was in the area… Well actually, I came to see Toshi." She admitted, green eyes bearing a familiar fondness Kawa had once held for the woman's little brother.

"_Aniki?_ Wait a second… Seriously! Since when?" Kawa gaped, looking at her in shock, inwardly noting that she was so going to rag on him when she got home.

Smirking rather contently at the sharp-minded conclusion, Mitsu said, "Last year, actually… Though the rest of that is not something eligible young women like you need to know, Kawa-chan." She teased, winking.

Poking her cheeks out, Kawa looked away briefly as the older woman snickered at flustering her. "Trust me, I don't wanna know…" She thought briefly of her ex and then her brow furrowed slightly, looking at his sister. "How's Souji?" She wondered, her voice quieted a little.

"_Ane-chan_, why'd you wanna come to this… place…?" His familiar voice wondered from the doorway of the room, making both women look at said boy.

Kawa's gray eyes sombered slightly and she watched his green eyes mirror hers. She wasn't having such a good day after all…

"It's been a long time, Kawa." Okita Souji mused. 

* * *

thank you **hineko** for the latest review! sorry for the late update guys. had a busy week and just started working on ch.4 earlier, so been juggling this fic and then _Chimamire no Hana_ (another Hakuouki fic) plus tumblr and then life.. y'know how it goes. again, thanks **hineko**! (: 


	4. Cosmic

_**Cosmic**_

* * *

She thought he had skipped town after graduation, leaving Tokyo, possibly Japan, for good.

But no, of course not… No matter what she did or how vainly she prayed, she couldn't seem to shake him off. For the last two years, she'd occupied her time that wasn't already spoken for sleeping and eating to make herself stronger, to be smarter than she had been in high school.

So to see her ex-boyfriend standing before her very eyes, in her own damn dojo, seemed to knock the wind out of her even if it was for a second.

For the moment, she wished she had a sword on hand, not these bamboo practice swords nailed to the wall behind her.

She was going to maim Toshi for jinxing her.

Souji hadn't seen his ex-girlfriend since they broke it off that fateful summer break at age eighteen. She'd been happier, often smiling and laughing at even the corniest of jokes he voiced, a warm and kind smile she only showed to him on her soft lips. He doubted he would forget that smile…

But she was somehow different now. She stood taller, carrying the defining tensed-jaw trait that had seemed to rub off from her adoptive brother's family, and her gray eyes weren't soft but they were like steel.

Two years and Kawa was still the beautiful girl he'd stupidly broken up with.

Shoulders squaring, said girl's pretty face now sported a glare eerily similar to one her brother often wore. "The gym's _closed_, Okita. Unwanted solicitors will be shown the door forcibly." She said evenly, a terse edge to her usually-calm voice that quickly pulled him from his thoughts.

He resisted the urge to reply back sardonically, shoulders slumping a little as he huffed. "We're goin', we're goin'." He answered calmly, sliding his eyes closed for a moment before turning to shuffle out of the room, hands slipping into the pockets of his sweater.

Mitsu watched her brother leave with sombered green eyes and glanced at the younger woman as her shoulders softly shook and she cut her gaze away with hard gray eyes. She exhaled and placed a hand on her shoulder, earning a twitch from her brother's ex. "I'll try getting ahold of Toshi myself, then… See you around, Kawa-chan." She thought to apologize for her brother's intrusion but at recognizing the imminent signs of an impending explosion of emotions, she thought better of it, removing her hand from the girl's shoulder to follow her brother out, closing the door behind her leave.

Kawa gritted her teeth and clenched her fists, inhaling steadily. _Ten, nine, eight_…

Why did he have to show up now? Why when she was barely trying to get used to college, and at her own damn dojo, to top it off!

"Damn it… **DAMN IT**."

:::l:::l::: 

Toshi exhaled as he entered the apartment foyer, toeing off his shoes. "Kawa, I'm home." He announced blandly, dropping off his keys on the small shelf near the door.

A soft '_meow_' came from their cat as the dark gray feline greeted him by rubbing herself against his ankles, earning a slight smile from the older Hijikata.  
_Inari acts like she hasn't been fed_, he mused as he angled his way from the cat's affections, shuffling further into the apartment in search of his roommate. At catching whiff of cigarette smoke, he perked up before his brow furrowed; he grumbled, "Dammit, not again…" He followed the stink in the direction of the kitchen window to find her having straddled a chair as she let the cigarette smoke dance into the night air from the opened window. "Bad day?" He guessed, his tone making the guess more of a too-accurate assumption.

He'd picked up the habit from Harada, who happened to be more of a drinker than smoker, back in college and had toned down his habitual smoking after getting an earful from Nobu a few years back; either she'd found an old pack of his lying about or she'd bought it on the way home from work… Either way, it was one of her few coping mechanisms, and one that he didn't approve of in the slightest.

"It was either smoke or play bloody knuckles with the wall." Kawa answered flatly, taking a generous drag.

Toshi ran a hand through his hair on habit, exhaling. "Mitsu called on my way home; said to tell you she was sorry for showing up at the dojo earlier today." He had to give the woman credit for putting up with his temper, he would admit that much, making a note to do something special the next time they went out.

"It's not her fault, it's mine." Kawa murmured around the dying bud puckered between her lips, earning a glance from her brother.

"Don't beat yourself up, not over him…" He declared, furrowed brow shifting to his trademark scowl.

"I should've gone to Kyoto when I had the chance, anything to get away from here…" Clicking her tongue, she snubbed the bud on a cracked coffee mug, her free hand lifting to brush her tousled bangs out of her face as she rested her chin on the back of the chair. "I'm stupid." She said with a pathetic sniff.

Toshi scowled hard at her, shoulders sagging slightly as he fought the urge to smack the cigarettes out of her reach; he had only comforted her in the conventional sense on two occasions, once when her parents died and the second when she'd broken up with Souji. She was an adult now; she didn't need to be babied… Even though some small part of him wanted to be the big brother she thought of him as.

"Why did you two break up in the first place?" He asked carefully, finding that even though the question stung, at least he was going to get some form of an answer out of her.

Kawa lit another cigarette, taking a drag. "Our futures were going in opposite directions; I wanted to leave town and make something of myself, and he wanted to stick around, stick close to Mitsu… We were both selfish, and what we had was nothing but a dream." _A blissful, wonderful dream_.

He reminded her of her mistake, so she refused to see him… It only made sense.

Toshi watched the smoke dance softly into the night, closing his eyes momentarily. "You're _both_ idiots in my opinion… The brat sister I know wouldn't torture herself, not like this." He declared quietly, perking her ears.

"_Aniki_…" Kawa winced and lowered her gaze at his point he made, exhaling as she took another drag. "Some counselor _you_ are… Too forceful." Maybe he was right, though… maybe she was being an idiot after all.

Taking his pack of cigarettes back, he crossed his arms at his chest. "Which reminds me, _you're_ not supposed to smoke. Nobu will skin me alive if she hears wind you're smoking, and I doubt you want to cover the rent with just your stint check." He stated, noting her gawking expression.

"T-Toshi… You oversized _oni_, you're not fair! Why the hell can't you let me wallow in my damn misery in _my_ way?" She demanded, standing to glare fully at him, hating he stood his ground as he was known to do when getting into an argument.

"Because if you had the _slightest_ idea that seein' you _cry yourself to sleep_ and _smoke your life away_ made me feel like a jackass for not being your big brother, you _wouldn't do it_, Yasakawa." Toshi stated sternly, watching her wince when he said her name in that way.

Cutting her gaze away, Kawa sniffled and pretended her nose wasn't getting red or her eyes didn't burn, hands formed into fists. Exhaling, she stepped closer to let her head droop against his shoulder, slightly surprising her brother. "… You're still mean." She mumbled.

Frown softening slightly, he reflexively tousled her hair, brushing strands back from her forehead. "_You're_ still a brat…" He returned quietly. 

* * *

Pulling her earbuds from her ears as she hit the pause button on her iPhone's screen, Kawa sighed in elation as she arrived to her history course on time, shuffling to her desk she'd claimed the other day.

Heisuke hadn't arrived yet, as she noticed, and with a brief glance at the scattered occupants in the room, she imagined she was pretty early; not even Kondou-san was present, but then again, there was the matter of the writing on the board behind his desk.

Thinking back to what Toshi had told her, and his way of '_counseling'_, she had decided that he was right… even if she didn't like it. She would be the bigger person and try to make amends with Souji, as much as the miniscule part of her subconscious that was permanently stuck in high school was being a bratty child about her decision... But she digressed.

"Stalking me, muchly?" _Speak of the devil_. 

* * *

sorry for the wait, everyone. aand yeah kind of an angsty chapter, not exactly making up for my absence.. D'l feel free to give feedback! makes my day. working on ch.5 currently so i won't leave you guys waiting for the conclusion towards the cliffhanger for long~. lates!


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